#29 Impostor Syndrome (3/10/2023)

I went through my blog posts from the very beginning to now. It is crazy to see how far I have come. I thought I would have been completely done with the app over a year ago. I was "done" at the point I said I would be, but I didn't feel like it was good enough. 

I felt immense impostor syndrome. I felt like I didn't put enough work into the app or my own personal development to release something like this. I can't say that feeling is completely gone now, but I can say that I do not feel it as much. 

I put the work in. I put thousands of hours into this. I struggled so hard to build what I have. 

Migraines because my brain was overloaded. Lack of sleep. Weeks on end of me staying up late just to make solid progress. Loneliness, because all I did was work. Worried that I was ruining my friendships and relationships because of it too. I sometimes dreaded even working on the app because I knew how hard the next step would be, but I still had to do it. I felt like I had absolutely no life. And everything else that comes with taking on a big project by yourself. 

I still have the same feeling as I did from the beginning: I have to do this. This is what I am meant to do. 

I don't feel as much impostor syndrome anymore not only because I did the work, but also because I see how everyone feels it. 

Even the people who worked the hardest and have achieved the most feel it. It is hard to be a real person and live up to our unrealistic expectations of perfection. 

I have met and listened to some awesome people who have dealt with imposter syndrome. It isn't something many people talk about publicly, so unless you were able to really sit down and have a deep conversation with your favorite celebrity, you probably wouldn't know that they felt this way too. 

I am just glad that I had the opportunities I have had and have chosen to work as hard as I have so far. This is going to sound weird, but I definitely wouldn't be as confident in myself and my ideas if I didn't put in all the work and suffering for it. 

Last year, I thought I would have the app released. It was essentially very basic but done. I kept adding more and more to it, and kept improving it, because I didn't want to release something that looked like "1 guy and his laptop" created the app. Even though I used the app every day, I wanted to make it undeniably great. 

It's still a work in progress, but it will always be that way. My goal is to keep adding more and more value to it to help people in many aspects of life. It is like a race with no finish line. It only ends when I quit. 

In far less words, I have submitted the Hero Culture app for review, and will be preparing for launch Spring 2023. 

-Nick Leehy